i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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