I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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