you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
