another moral hangover. fuck.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
