Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
barbara walters just said penis...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
