Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
