My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
