I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
