when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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