Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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