You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
