There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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