Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
