I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
