Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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