Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
