I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
