My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
