thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
