Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
