He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
