Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
