i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
