I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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