alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize