looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
