Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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