Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
