she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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