I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were trust falling into bushes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
