apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
