i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
