so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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