i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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