Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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