We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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