I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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