how can u be prego again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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