If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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