There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
