Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
