moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
