she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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