Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
