so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
