I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can you bring me the toilet please
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
