i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
