I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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