Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
