even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
