Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
