Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we should paint friendship bongs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
