the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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