Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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