I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
