i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
