Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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