I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
