it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
