It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
