I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
