You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
