god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
