Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
