Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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