Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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