I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
