my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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