I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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