Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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