Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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