My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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