The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
